Lone and I were discussing our year in 2007 yesterday. Instead of simply thinking about our new year resolutions for 2008, I thought I should reflect on the current year. Now that 2007 is ending, I ask myself, what am I happy to have achieved this year?

Here are the answers:

• Performing a song that Lone and I was asked to write for our company's D&D this year.
• Finishing my Certificate course in Holistic Nutrition with flying colors.
• Becoming a contributing writer for an online magazine.
• Moving to a new home.
• Starting a new music-related company with Lone.
• Starting a new band with Lone and friends.
• Meeting a lot of new people who taught me a lot of various things.
• Taking the initiative to learn Chinese (although I haven't achieved *learning* it all yet).
• Taking the first steps to allowing myself to grow spiritually.
• Learning a lot of new things I never knew about before.
• Becoming more of a doer instead of just a thinker.

Actually, I'd say there are a lot of things I'm happy to have achieved this year, it's just that some are quite intangible and difficult to express. And though some are more notable than others, I'm happy for all of them, and I aim to do better next year.

However, it's obvious that it's been a great year, and next year and all the years ahead are just going to get better!

As I've probably said before, I believe in improving myself day to day. As long as I'm better today than I was yesterday, and better tomorrow than I am today, no matter how slow the pace, I'm doing alright.

Here's to more improvements in the year 2008 and all the years ahead!

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I'm happy again! =)

Guess why?!

Can't guess? Come on, I know you know!

You know it!!

I'll give you a hint:
What do I love most in the world?!

Come on, you know the answer!

What is it?!

Come on....

Alright, I'll tell you...

.

.

.

.

.

Books!!!!

And guess what I bought myself from Amazon?!!

Books!!!!

And guess what?!!

They've arrived!!

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! *skippity-skip* =D

Joy to the World! etc!

I got my books, don't need nothing else, lalalala......

I have had a very stressful week this week. I won't go into details, but generally, it's because of two reasons:

1. I'm having some trouble understanding some new knowledge and information.
2. I've been having some communication problems with certain people who seem to insist on misunderstanding me.

Usually, in the first case, I'd ask for clarifications so that I may understand better, but it seems that the more questions I ask, the more confused I get because I keep getting different answers from different sources. I'm feeling quite frustrated and very, very, confused. =(

In the second case, I normally just ignore people who deliberately misunderstand me on purpose just so they'd have a reason to fight, but in this case I can't, because I don't want to offend the *other* people who are friends of these people.

So yeah, I've been having a really hard week, and I haven't been sleeping well because of worrying about these problems and how to solve them.

I've always been a solitary, independent thinker. I'm not so independent when it comes to physical stuff, for example, traveling alone or getting official biz done, but when it comes to ideas/opinions/learning/planning...etc, *thinking* stuff, I like being solitary.

This is why I enjoy online studying so much, I'm completely in control, can choose how, when, and what I study, how long to focus on particular topics, etc.

This is also why I prefer to learn Chinese on my own rather than have a teacher teach me. And also why I stopped having piano lessons and bought books and went online to find guides that can help me learn on my own instead.

Bottom line is: I don't like people telling me what to do.

That may not be the best thing to be, but nevertheless, it is quite true. That's not to say that I don't listen to advice or guidance especially when I recognize the good in them, but giving me advice is one thing, ordering me around is another.

I'm just really upset now, I need to take a break and relax a little.

Last week my dad gave me a book for learning Chinese. It's about the history and meaning of Chinese characters, and it's really interesting. It's a great way to learn Chinese too, because you learn by associating the words and the meanings.

For example, I learned that 田 (tian) means field, because it looked like paddy fields. And (si) (I can't find the Chinese symbol for it on my Chinese program) means silk. And 累 (lei) which means tired, is a combination of these two symbols because in the olden days, the men mostly worked in the fields and the women mostly worked with silk. So putting the two symbols together meant 'everybody's work' which makes them 'tired'.

The Chinese fonts are ridiculously small, so I'll enlarge them to get a better look:

 

累 = 田 + (si)

There! Much better. The top part is field, and the bottom, which I don't have on my program, I don't know why, is silk. =)

There are a lot more other interesting characters, but I've only just started studying the book, so I've barely scratched the surface.

But this is so fun... I love stories! And what better way for me to learn Chinese than with stories! =)

Happy Birthday, LONE!!!

Have a wonderful birthday, and a even more wonderful year ahead filled with love, laughter, health, and wealth!!

Love you lots!!

HuGs and KisSes!!

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Here's a thought:

Say you and a person you love deeply are placed in separate rooms with a button next to each of you. You know that you will both be killed unless one of you presses your button before 60 minutes pass; furthermore, the first to press the button will save the other person, but will immediately be killed. What do you think you would do?

Would you press the button and kill yourself so your loved one could live, or would you hope that your loved one will kill themselves so you can live. Do you feel that they deserve to live more than you do? Do you think that your life might be worth more than your loved one's life, that maybe you could do more to change the world than they could? Or vice versa? What would influence your decision in either killing yourself or waiting for your loved one to kill themselves.

But what if both you and your loved one are unwilling to sacrifice for the other? If no one presses the button, BOTH of you will die in 60 minutes.

This isn't about risking your life to save your loved one, like if they were drowning and you had to swim into a storm to save them, because while that would be dangerous too, there's always a chance that you would both survive. We're talking about certain death here. You *will* die if you decide to save your loved one.

So?

Do you feel that your life is unworthy and that your loved one could do better things if they stayed alive?

Or do you feel that your life is worth much more than your loved one's and you should be the one to live?

In my own case, I really do wonder. My dearest knows that I'm the one who has all the big plans and ideas to change the world and all that, but I'm too lazy to bring them all into fruition. On the other hand, my dearest is the most hardworking person you could ever meet, whatever he says he'll do, he'll do it, but he's not much of a big planner.

So if I let me live, I'll have a lot of big plans but I may not actually act on them. If I let my bf live, he'll get things done, but nothing significant may come out of them.

But then again, if my bf gave his life so that I could have my life, you can be damned sure I won't waste my life, so obviously I'd stop being lazy and start being hardworking so he wouldn't have sacrificed his life in vain. And if I gave my life for his, he'll probably do the same and start having big plans and ideas.

But then there's the other angle. Are we putting a value on our lives judging from what we can contribute to the world or judging on who we are?

I've got a temper, and I am a little bit prickly and I can be unfriendly sometimes. Dearest has got his temper too, but he's the most generous person and he loves making new friends and making people laugh. 

I sometimes get over defensive and depressed easily, and I'm very self-centered, not bothering about other people's problems when I can't even take care of my own.  Dearest cares about everyone else, and he's the one who always puts a smile on my face.

When I'm with him, I'm just not as big a bitch as I am when he's not around.

So I'm just thinking...

Whether or not either of us ever make big plans to make the world a better place or go through with the plans at all isn't the point...

The point is, my dearest, just by being himself, can bring smiles to people's faces, and make their day better and brighter and happier, while I would only be a bigger bitch without him...

I'll let him live. =)