Monday, December 03, 2007

Worthy or Not

Here's a thought:

Say you and a person you love deeply are placed in separate rooms with a button next to each of you. You know that you will both be killed unless one of you presses your button before 60 minutes pass; furthermore, the first to press the button will save the other person, but will immediately be killed. What do you think you would do?

Would you press the button and kill yourself so your loved one could live, or would you hope that your loved one will kill themselves so you can live. Do you feel that they deserve to live more than you do? Do you think that your life might be worth more than your loved one's life, that maybe you could do more to change the world than they could? Or vice versa? What would influence your decision in either killing yourself or waiting for your loved one to kill themselves.

But what if both you and your loved one are unwilling to sacrifice for the other? If no one presses the button, BOTH of you will die in 60 minutes.

This isn't about risking your life to save your loved one, like if they were drowning and you had to swim into a storm to save them, because while that would be dangerous too, there's always a chance that you would both survive. We're talking about certain death here. You *will* die if you decide to save your loved one.


Do you feel that your life is unworthy and that your loved one could do better things if they stayed alive?

Or do you feel that your life is worth much more than your loved one's and you should be the one to live?

In my own case, I really do wonder. My dearest knows that I'm the one who has all the big plans and ideas to change the world and all that, but I'm too lazy to bring them all into fruition. On the other hand, my dearest is the most hardworking person you could ever meet, whatever he says he'll do, he'll do it, but he's not much of a big planner.

So if I let me live, I'll have a lot of big plans but I may not actually act on them. If I let my bf live, he'll get things done, but nothing significant may come out of them.

But then again, if my bf gave his life so that I could have my life, you can be damned sure I won't waste my life, so obviously I'd stop being lazy and start being hardworking so he wouldn't have sacrificed his life in vain. And if I gave my life for his, he'll probably do the same and start having big plans and ideas.

But then there's the other angle. Are we putting a value on our lives judging from what we can contribute to the world or judging on who we are?

I've got a temper, and I am a little bit prickly and I can be unfriendly sometimes. Dearest has got his temper too, but he's the most generous person and he loves making new friends and making people laugh. 

I sometimes get over defensive and depressed easily, and I'm very self-centered, not bothering about other people's problems when I can't even take care of my own.  Dearest cares about everyone else, and he's the one who always puts a smile on my face.

When I'm with him, I'm just not as big a bitch as I am when he's not around.

So I'm just thinking...

Whether or not either of us ever make big plans to make the world a better place or go through with the plans at all isn't the point...

The point is, my dearest, just by being himself, can bring smiles to people's faces, and make their day better and brighter and happier, while I would only be a bigger bitch without him...

I'll let him live. =)