Sunday, March 11, 2007

More Deep Thoughts?

As you can see, I was in a survey/quiz mood yesterday.

Actually, I was in the posting pix mood, but the pix took so long to load that I got really tired of waiting and decided to do some surveys instead.

I wouldn't even have done the surveys except that I thought my blog was getting a little bit too serious with all the deep thinking and stuff. I don't know what's up with me...maybe my brain's making up for lost time. LOL! During the last couple of months when I didn't think too much?

But not really either. I think I have been thinking a lot. All the while. It's just that I wasn't so tired and I had a lot of free time, that's why I had time to about other mundane stuff too.

Uploading pictures usually take me about two hours, coz I upload a lot of them at a go, so I haven't been posting pix because I haven't had two hours to upload them.

And I have been getting back on my feet and trying to work hard *and* smart.

I've been neglecting a lot of my passions lately because of work. Late last year it was the other way around, I neglected a lot of my work for my passions, but I realized that my work was deteriorating. So when I decided to get back on track and work harder and my passions got neglected, I realized that it's my time management problem.

That's the problem with being your own boss. No one to tell you what to do and when to do it. Only you can decide what you want, and how to get what you want, what to do to get it, when to do it...etc. And guess what? There's no guide book.

So I go by trial and error. It's kinda exciting, actually. I love writing my own life, I love being in charge, I even 'love' making mistakes! Because then I can analyze where I went wrong and how I can improve on them!

It's mentally stimulating and I'm excited everyday, wondering how my 'experiments' are going to turn out.

I'm not the best or the smartest or the most experienced, and if I compare myself to so many of my peers, I know I'll probably come out lacking. But what I love about living life, is that everyday is a new day, everyday is a fresh start, everyday I have an opportunity to be better than I was yesterday. And that makes me excited.

I'm sure you know, sometimes I have my down times too. And I'm not proud of those weak moments, but I try to cut them down, and like I said, everyday I'm improving. I can be petty, jealous, impatient, lazy, greedy... And sometimes I hate the world and the people in it.

But never for long.

I love life. I love this world, with all its wonders *and* horrors. I love creating my future. And I think most people are generally good and nice, and whatever faults they have... well, it's not as if I'm perfect either. The only thing we can do is try to be better than we were before.

It helps a lot when you have someone to support you. I have had such a hard and confusing time recently, but my bf was always there for me. He was the one who helped me get back my happiness, my love for life, my reason and ambition and motivation.

When you hang around a lot with someone whose positive energy is strong, and who's always on the go, who's always improving himself, you get motivated too. And you feed off his energy, and he feeds off yours. You feel alive! You're always ready for anything!

I remember how it felt like to be with someone whose 'battery' was always low. I always had to work extra hard to charge him up, while he resisted all my efforts to help him. It really took a lot out of me, and I always felt tired, irritable and drained.

It was the most tiring relationship I ever had.

I'm glad I'm now with someone who always makes me feel alive. It's such a great feeling, knowing that you can always count on him and he will never ever let you down. And I feel blessed and lucky to have him.

Life is a really funny thing. It's amazing how some small change can have such a big effect.

I loving it. =)