Saturday, November 10, 2007


Lately I've been thinking about a lot of things... you know, life and stuff.

I'm happier now than I've ever been. I'm content and peaceful and all that, and this is what I wanted. But it feels a little boring...

Ok, not boring exactly, but we all need a little excitement in our lives once in a while.

I was just thinking, earlier today, contemplating and reminiscing about my youth (as if I'm really so old now) back when I was fresh out of high school, and all the mishaps and drama I got myself into.

You know those soap operas that most of us drama queens love to watch? Well, I lived them.

Not all of them of course, but I had more than my fair share of drama. And you know what the funny thing is? While there were many tears and fears and love and hate and many things in between, and it really really hurt while I was going through many of those dramas, I can't help but look back now on all those amazing experiences I had, and say to myself, "That was fun, wasn't it?"

If I had to do it all over again, I would, and I'd do much more of it too!

I guess the saying is really true, you don't regret the things you did, you only regret the things you didn't do. And you know what I regret? I regret that I didn't do more of what I did. LOL!

But I'm content with leaving it all in the past. That's the good thing about being really wild and childish and free when you're young, you don't bring your childhood with you into adulthood.

I'm an adult now, and while I still enjoy being childish (as opposed to immature) and having fun, I know my limits, and I don't go wild the way a teenager would. I did all that as a teenager, and I'm ready to grow up now.

I still wish I was a little more carefree and wild, but I'm ready to grow up.

I know some people who didn't have enough fun or freedom when they were young, and they spend their adult lives trying to live their childhood. It's sad coz they never really live their lives, they just spend it trying to capture the feeling of being alive.

And then there's the other kinds of people, who have had so much fun and freedom and yet they don't know how to grow up. It's like they're stuck doing the only things they know how to do, and can't move to another level. These people are so afraid of not being able to live their lives to the fullest, that they spend it in fear of growing up, and live so recklessly that they may just get their wish of never growing up.

But then again, who am I to judge? Maybe these people got it right. Maybe we are just meant to live hedonistically. Or maybe we are all meant to live it the way we want our lives to be. That's what makes everyone different after all.

Contradicting what I said earlier about wishing I had done more of what I did when I was younger, I feel sometimes that I had a little too much drama in my life. Too much pain, anger, tears, betrayal... whatever. And I'm not the kind of person who handles all these stresses well. That's the reason I decided that I didn't want anymore drama in my life.

I don't want stormy relationships where I scream and fight with my bf every other day, and then make up with sweet words and kisses on the other days. I don't want to stab my best friend in the back because I'm in love with the guy she's with, or have her stab my back when she's telling all my secrets to our other friends. I don't want to be the other woman who ends up becoming friends with his girlfriend and feeling bad that we're fooling around behind her back. I don't want ten guys, all of whom are friends, fighting over me and then hating me and each other when I favor one or the other. I don't want anyone attempting suicide or threatening suicide coz I dumped them or I stole their bfs.

Not that any of the above actually happened, but you know what I'm getting at.

It's all really dramatic and great to watch on tv, and probably fun to imagine too, but really... I just want a nice, normal, simple life.

Which I have. Now.

Which is kind of... uneventful. (Read: boring.)

You know, I'm glad I don't have anymore drama in my life, but that doesn't mean I don't want some excitement or adventure.

I'll still take boring over drama anytime, but I really gotta get myself some adventures.

Know where I can find some?