Saturday, June 07, 2008

The Incredible Lightness of Being

Ok, ok... I know! I haven't blogged much lately, and what I have blogged about are either so boring that you read them as bedtime stories, or so meaningless that you wonder why I even bother.

Sigh... =(


Truth is, it's not that I don't have anything to say... I have a LOT to say, but most of them can't be said here. Because it is a public blog and I have no idea who's reading it (yes, I have a lot of bitchy things to say about *you* if you're reading my blog! You know who you are!) (Ok, that was a joke, I have better things to do that to complain about people I don't care about in my blog =P), and because the things I have to say will probably be confusing (and more than a little off-putting) to the people who don't know the backstory about me/my life/my beliefs/my experiences.

So that's why I don't say them here, and have been saying them instead in another private blog I have. (Did I ever mention before that I least eight(!) different blogs?)

Muahhahahha! You guys have only been reading what I've wanted you to read!

Oh, nevermind, ignore that last sentence... obviously, I have not taken my medicine today. =P

Anyway, being serious now, the last couple of days have been *intensely* introspective for me. Not as intense as it could still go, because I've taken some breaks, but it's as intense as I've ever been. I've been doing some releasing from past problems, letting myself feel the residual anger/sadness/bad feelings, letting go of them, analyzing the way I felt, who I was and why I acted the ways I did, and what I learned from the past, how I can improve myself now...etc.

I'm definitely not done yet. I am a *very* analytical person, and trust me, I get hooked on one single scenario, and I analyze it to death in a hundred different ways! I'm still stuck on one topic in all the last couple of days I've been doing it. It's fun! (And scary!) But I also gotta be careful that I don't neglect the other issues that I haven't covered yet and not stick to one too long.

It's too soon to tell if it is actually helping me, but I'm eager to continue ahead and see.

On the same note, but a slightly different angle, I've also been doing some 'future' stuff too (as opposed to releasing past problems, this is more of a 'how do I know I'm on the right path' thing).
I'm amazed by how much insight I gain from these sessions!

One thing I have to admit, I am more of a 'thinker' than a 'doer'. I plan, and talk, and discuss, and analyze, and strategize about how I can achieve a certain thing, when I should've just gone ahead and get it done instead. It is one of my biggest weakness, and the one that keeps me from moving ahead.

At the same time, I have also read a lot of books on wisdom, from wise gurus and such, about how we are a people who are so focus on 'doing', 'doing', 'doing', that we never just let ourselves 'BE', and that sometimes we should stop doing so much for a change and just BE. So like every other student of wisdom, I misinterpreted the above to mean what I wanted it to mean. I became passive and introspective and quiet and (inhales deep knowing breaths) just 'BE'd'.

Well, it didn't work too well for me, and I completely didn't realize that this was what I was doing. Not until yesterday when I had a meditative session with my higher self, and she told me how naive and wrong and unwise I was (ok, not in those words exactly...LOL!).

So anyway, what she said that really made me realized how wrong I was, and I'm just paraphrasing here, was that "Before you can 'be', you first have to 'do'!"

And she was right!

I was so focused on be-ing a more enlightened 'BE-ing', that I have forgotten I need to DO! I was so intent on getting to the 100th floor, that I forgot that I first have to go through floors 1 through 99! I had no idea that I had incorporated this false teaching of 'Being' into my daily life and that it was impeding my progress.

Elaborating further, as an example; if I wanted to 'be' a singer, first I must 'do' the singing, then *maybe* I can 'be' a singer, because you don't automatically become a singer just because you 'do' the singing, as many karaoke singers know well =P, but you definitely for sure can't BE a singer, if you're not willing to DO the singing.

So if I want to be successful, I've got to DO the things that will make me BE successful, not just 'think positive and you will be successful'. If I want to be wealthy, I've got to DO the things that help me achieve wealth. And etc.

Perhaps to most of you 'doers' this must seem painfully obvious and you probably think I must be really quite unsmart to not know this in the first place.

Please, in my defence, remember that I am a 'thinker' more than a 'doer' first and foremost because I am a lazy, procrastinating, pig, and any excuse I can think of to not DO what I need to DO, especially if it's in the name of higher 'wisdom', I will use shamelessly.

I am quite content to spend my whole life as a thinker and never bother to do anything ever! If it wasn't for the fact that this attitude is unhealthy and incredibly limiting, and extremely hazardous to my progress in life!

Improvement is important to me. Progress is important to me. Achieving my dreams is important to me. BEING the highest form of BEING I can be is so terribly important to me. And to achieve all these, first I have to get off my butt, and DO the things I need to DO, so that I can BE what I want to BE.

So laugh at me if you want, just because I may have been a little bit slow in getting this. But just remember one thing, you may have starting DOING long before I did, but ask yourself, are the things you are DOing going to make you the person that you really want to BE? Or are you just merely mindlessly doing them, and BEcoming someone you never intended to BE and forgetting the person you originally wanted to BE?

There! I've said a lot! This blog post should last you weeks! (It really should! Coz you should really be thinking about that last question! =P)