Monday, February 12, 2007

What I Want

I have some questions:

How many of you knew what you wanted to do with your life since you were a kid?
How many of you actually followed through with it?
How many of you still don't know what you want to do with your life?
How many of you are just doing what your parents wanted you to do with your life?

I see so many people going about their lives... From the moment they finish high school and stepped into college, they chose a course and finished it, and when they graduated, they got a job in the field which they studied for. And I think, they are so lucky to know what they want and have such a clear idea of where they wanna go.

And then I think again.

Some of these people went into college doing what their parents chose for them, and then they graduate and they become what their parents wanted them to be. Is this you?

Some others finish a specific degree course only to come out into the world doing something totally unrelated to what they studied. Is this you?

Some others still go about their college life, switching from one course to the next, not knowing what's the best path for themselves. And then come out into the world, still wondering what they want to do. Is this you?

This was me.

I never really felt bad about it, because deep inside I knew what I really wanted and who I really was. I was always moderately good in everything I did, and I always enjoyed everything I did, but I enjoyed all of it too much to give up on some of it to focus on one of it. Hence my difficulty in choosing just one thing to focus on and going through with it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in the minority or majority. I basically know what I want ultimately in life, but choosing the road to get there is a huge indecision for me. My goals are actually so abstract that I could chose anything and it would take me there, but the road I choose is crucial in determining if I have a enjoyable and safe journey, or a hard and exhausting one.

There are so many roads in front of me now, and everyday I make the choice to stay on the road I'm on now. It's fun and enjoyable, and it will last for a while, but there are so many forks on this road, and I wonder if I should get off the road, or just keep going. And I don't even know which exit is mine.

Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm doing now. Really, really love it. But I have to ask myself, is this where I see myself in five years time? Ten? Twenty? And if this is where I want to be in 20 years, am I willing to do what it takes to progress here? Am I willing to sacrifice all the other things in my life that I thought I wanted?

I know of many success stories of people aged 30, 40, 50 and above, who went all their lives doing something, only to realize it wasn't what they wanted, and then turning their lives upside down all of a sudden to pursue their dreams.

That's great. At least they found what they wanted after all. It's a whole lot better than so many other people who live and die never actually doing anything with their lives.

But I don't want to wait that long. I want to decide and plan now, and work accordingly to achieve all my goals. I've got the short term goals down, but I've been thinking of the long term goals, and I can't plan until I know where I want to be years from now.

I know this 'dilemma' is nothing a little thinking and analysing won't fix, so I know I gotta sit myself down and do a little thinking soon. But I just wondered, am I alone in this?

Am I the minority in not knowing what I want? Am I far behind all of my peers already? All of them who are so clear and so focused on what they want? Will I be able to catch up?