Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Lost Friends

I went to bed early tonight because I woke up really early this morning and I thought I'd get some rest, but somehow there's just too many thoughts running through my head.

I'm not really the kind of person who spends too much time thinking about the past and regretting the things I did or didn't do. Not now anyway.

I used to be that person though.

I spent countless hours, days, months...even years, thinking about the past, wishing I had done, or hadn't done, something or other.

I wasted enough time brooding, so I decided to forget the past, because you know what? No matter how much you want to, you can't change the past. You can only learn from it and make your future better.

I don't really regret anything I did anymore, because I *know* now that I learnt from each fall, each mistake, each failure.

Do I wish I made less mistakes? Yes. But there's nothing I can do to change the past, so what I'm doing instead, is making sure I learnt from those mistakes so that my future will be one with fewer mistakes.

I wish I didn't have to lose so many friends in the process of learning though, but having said that, I don't 'regret' losing them.

I had to lose them to grow. I had to lose them to realize the mistakes I made. I had to lose them to understand how important the right people are in your life. And now I appreciate my friends a million more times.

Honestly though, sometimes I miss them... the friends I lost. Some of them were due to misunderstandings and not being able to clear things up because of pride. Some of them were because of immaturity on how to handle peer pressure. Some were because of bad judgement and lack of trust. Some were just because our paths were moving further and further apart.

Whatever the reason, I miss them all.

I'd forgiven them long ago for whatever wrong they did, and I only hope they have forgiven me too. I have been immature, I have been prideful, I have jumped into conclusions, I have betrayed their trust.

I am so sorry for all of that. More sorry than you could ever know. Please forgive me if I have ever done anything wrong to you, intentionally or not. I have learnt my lesson, and I've grown since then. I'm still far from perfect, but I'm trying to be the best I can be now.

I'm lucky enough that I've been able to renew some of these lost friendships, and I hope that maybe one day, all my old, dear, lost friendships will be found once again.

If by chance any lost friend of mine is reading this, I just want to say, I'm sorry. And I miss you.