Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The Witch Princess

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived...



Ok, no...wrong story. Althought I'm psyched that it's coming out soon.


In this faraway land, a long long time ago, there lived a beautiful princess, who was also a witch, by the way.

I know, it's kinda shocking how that happened, isn't it?

But this witch princess's name was Rose Red, and she was Snow White's daughter. She didn't like her mother much because Snow White was such an irritating, conservative, simple-minded prude who overprotected her daughter.

What better way to rebel, thought Rose Red, than to follow in her step-grandmother's footsteps, Snow White's notorious witch-stepmother who tried to kill her?

So Rose Red snuck into the old spell-chambers that belonged to the wicked witch, and taught herself witchcraft from the late witch's spellbooks. She went down there every time she could get away, and she studied all the spells and experimented with all the potions diligently, until one day, finally, she knew she was ready.

On her sixteenth birthday, the day of her coronation to the throne, she turned both her parents into frogs. They kept turning back into themselves every time they kissed though, so she turned them into teapots instead, and the seven dwarves into seven little teacups, and sent them as a gift set to Beauty and the Beast for their wedding.

As soon as that was done, Rose Red decided to find herself a handsome prince to marry. She asked her advisor, the Mirror on the Wall, to list all the eligible princes in the land.

"There are none, Your Highness," he answered regretfully.

"What?" Rose Red shrieked. "None?! How could there be none? What about that handsome prince who lives by the sea?"

"He married the little mermaid a couple of years ago, Your Highness."

"What about the gorgeous Arabian prince, Ali?"

"He just married Princess Jasmine."

"King Philip and Queen Aurora's son?"

"Still too young to get married, Your Highness, he's only ten."

"The Frog prince?" she asked, her voice shrill.

"Married, Your Highness."

"The prince of elfdom?"

"Married, besides, he wouldn't married a non-elf, Your Highness."

"The fae prince?"

"Likewise, Your Highness."

Rose Red closed her eyes and put her hand to her throat, taking a deep breath, she asked, "The troll prince, what's his name? Shrek?"

The Mirror sighed. "Married, Your Highness."

Rose Red wailed and stamped on the floor with her feet. "Is there no one left for me then? Am I to be a spinster for the rest of my life?"

It was too much for her, the concept of being a spinster forever. She threw a chalice across the room, kicked a cauldron over, and almost tore out all the pages of her spellbook before she remembered that she was a witch and could have anything she wanted. She smoothed down her gown and her hair, cleared her throat, and regained her composure. Then she turned to face the Mirror again with her head held high and a serene expression.

"Are there any eligible, handsome, young lads that I can turn into princes and marry?"

The Mirror gave a broad smile and answered, "Why, Your Highness, I believe there are." And he proceeded to list all the eligible handsome, young lads in the country.

Within a few weeks, Rose Red was married to a handsome young prince, who happened to be a wizard too. And the wizard prince and witch princess lived happily ever after.

Well, except for the occasional married couple's spat, which sometimes led to one or both of them getting turned into frogs, and then turning back into themselves again when they kissed and made up.